The Numbness of Chaos

I said fuck you

And flipped him off

My anger thrown across the room

Like what I hoped was a sword

But was really the validation

He seems to need

Justifying his actions

"She's a bitch, see?"

But what I wish I had done 

Was look at him with pity

Disappointment dripping from my eyes

Because really I'm not angry at all

I'm sad for him

That his soul feels so empty

That he feeds it drugs and drinks and verbal fist fights

An attempt to quiet the voice that says 

"Is this who you are?"

Knowing that to change is harder

Than staying the same

And changing will mean giving up

The numbness of chaos

And so instead he lashed out

A 3 year old scolded 

A teenager caught red handed

Screaming profanities 

To hide the pain and the boredom and the obsession

Because it's easier to numb out

To lash out

Than it is to look in the mirror and not like who you see